


dancing with our hands tied

by comeherebooch



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, a taylor swift lyric for a title again? must be a day that ends in Y, saving that from now on for this ship only, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28772691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comeherebooch/pseuds/comeherebooch
Summary: Amanda continued scanning, noting familiar faces of their own department and politely waving to some when her eyes fell on him.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 42
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back, back again, Shelby's back and she's feeling like a fool. so my shipping has intensified and now I have a handful of ideas for these two idiots in love but I have yet to decide if I will post them all in the same story or if they will just be separate works. at some point, I'll make a decision. I'm working on a very long AU Rollins/Carisi story that I only want to be one piece and hopefully, I will actually accomplish something else. Thanks for reading!

Amanda watched as her two girls twirled on the dance floor with Noah, the three giggling like mad as they bumped into each other over and over. She sipped her drink slowly, chewing on her straw, and her eyes examined the busy dance floor and conversing guests.

It was odd to be at a party after all this time. With everyone in attendance vaccinated and the virus count finally lower than ever, it was nice to just relax and not have to worry so much about sickness lingering in the air. The atmosphere was so cheery and jubilant, it felt like they were celebrating the freedom to be out of the house along with Fin and Phoebe’s wedding. The newly married couple were making their rounds thanking people for coming, Phoebe looking radiant and Fin as happy as Amanda had ever seen him. She noticed them talking to Olivia and Elliot and Amanda curiously raised an eyebrow when she saw how close her captain and former partner were sitting together. But they were also leaning in to hear Phoebe speak since the music was so loud, which made sense to her. Kat was dancing with her girlfriend, the two off in their own world. Amanda continued scanning, noting familiar faces of their own department and politely waving to some when her eyes fell on him.

Carisi was chatting with fellow officers, his hands waving animatedly as he told a story, making the others laugh. He looked so calm and cool, and handsome, Amanda added, in his dark grey charcoal suit which meshed well with her light teal blue dress.

The song changed to a slow one and Amanda watched Jesse, followed by Billie, run over to Sonny and smile up at him, no doubt batting their irresistible baby blues. Sonny made an “excuse me” gesture to his friends and followed the girls out onto the dance floor. Amanda covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to laugh as he struggled to hold both toddler and child. He ultimately gave up, Jesse getting too big to be held for a long amount of time. Amanda frowned sadly at that. Instead, Carisi let Jesse stand on his shoes while he held Billie and swayed with them to the song. 

Amanda’s fingers itched to grab her phone and video them dancing but continued to sit still in her spot and observe. She fought with herself at her own stubbornness at missing out on a cute moment like this.

Carisi’s eyes found hers and he squeezed Jesse’s hand, pointing at her mother sitting at a table alone.

“Mama, come video us!” Jesse yelled across the dance floor to her mother. Carisi smiled sheepishly at her and Amanda gave him a look but got up at her daughter’s request.

She took out her phone and videoed the three of them dancing, she couldn’t help but smile at the sweetness. A majority of the guests began watching the scene, smiling and praising Amanda’s charming, beautiful daughters amongst themselves. Billie leaned her head on Carisi’s shoulder, Amanda knew she was tired, they would need to be leaving soon to get her girls to bed. Jesse was wide awake and excited to still be dancing.

When the song ended, Amanda thanked the few people that complimented her girls and took Billie from Sonny’s arms to go sit down with her, Jesse begging to dance for a little while longer.

“A few more, ok, it’s getting late,” Amanda told her and she sat down with Billie as Jesse skipped off to find Noah again.

Billie fell asleep against her mother’s neck and Amanda rubbed her back, hoping the girl didn’t start to drool on her dress. As if on cue, Sonny walked up with Billie’s favorite blanket and tucked it around the girl while Amanda held her. “She left it in the car,” he mumbled.

She stared at him and he sat down next to her, sighing.

“You still mad at me?”

Amanda didn’t even turn to look at him. “I’m not mad,” she said.

Sonny kept quiet, knowing better than to challenge that.

“I’m pissed,” Amanda finished.

“I apologized.”

“Still!” Amanda exclaimed, immediately feeling guilty at her harsh tone, Billie squirmed in her arms. “Who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

“I’m not saying that,” Sonny told her, “but I think it’s important to note that I  _ did  _ apologize right after when I realized my mistake.”

“You mean when I told you not to fight with me in front of my children.”

Sonny looked down at his shoes, at the tiny scuff marks from Jesse. “That part won’t happen again. Us having a disagreement, however? Can’t promise that, it’s not realistic.”

Amanda caught Olivia’s attention when she saw her and Elliot about to walk past their table. “Liv!”

Olivia made her way to them, Elliot in tow, and raised her eyebrows. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah,” Amanda told her, voice now soft so as not to disturb her sleeping child. “Could you take her a minute? I need some air.”

Olivia glanced between the two, sensing the tension, and nodded. “Sure.”

Amanda quickly handed her Billie and tucked her blanket snugly back around her, kissing her golden curls. “Thank you.”

Leaving the reception area after telling Jesse she’ll be right outside, Sonny followed, hands deep in his pockets, head down as if ashamed, though he wasn’t, just nervous.

When they got outside, the parking lot was full of cars, but they were alone, Amanda immediately regretted her decision to leave the warm building. She crossed her arms and rubbed them, huffing out cold air. It was November and she stupidly left her jacket in the car but she’d rather freeze than ask him for the keys to the car or to grab it for her. Sonny watched her keep refusing to look at him for a moment before taking his coat off and placing it over her shoulders.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, hating that he was being so nice when she was so mad.

“Welcome,” he said. “You want to tell me why you’re really upset? So we had a little squabble in the car, so what? I apologized, the girls barely noticed, we moved on.”

“That’s the thing,” she pointed out, “when I was younger and my mom and dad fought in front of me, I pretended not to notice either but I always did. And,” she let out a hollow laugh, “and it stuck with me all these years.” She finally looked at him and his heart twisted at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes from trying not to cry. “I don’t want it to stick with them.”

Sonny’s eyebrows furrowed and she knew he felt bad about it all and in turn, she felt bad for making him feel that way, but she meant what she said. She did not want to argue in front of her kids, ever. “I understand your feelings,” Sonny paused and she waited as he considered what to say next. “But if you remember, it was you that freaked out on me and thus started the disagreement.”

She threw her hands up, his jacket falling from her shoulders on the ground. “Are you kidding me right now? Are you really going to tell me that this is my fault?”

He bent to pick up his jacket and gave it back to her. She snatched it, annoyed, and he tried very hard not to snort at how cute she looked as she angrily put it back on. “I’m not saying that! All I’m saying is when I said the M-word, all of a sudden it was ice cold in that car.”

“The M word, what are we, six?”

“I’m afraid to say it now!”

“You should know better than to bring up marriage out of the blue like that to me,” Amanda said.

Sonny’s eyes widened. “It’s a wedding, it was on my mind! You’re acting like I just proposed in the car on the way here!”

“You might as well have, in front of two little girls! You probably got their little hopes up and -”

“And what?” Sonny asks, “all I asked you was if you think you’d ever get married, it was casual, I wasn’t asking you then and there to start writing vows. If you think they got their hopes up, I don’t necessarily see a problem there.”

“You  _ don’t _ see a problem?” Amanda sneered.

“No,” Sonny was bewildered by her reaction. “Things are going well between us and I think someday, maybe -”

“Oh, God, you’re going to propose?” She groaned. “I knew that’s what you were hinting at.” At her clear discomfort, Sonny bristled.

“I’m sorry if you find marrying me so  _ repulsive _ .”

Amanda rubbed at her temples and noticed his hurt expression. Oops. “Ugh, no, you know that’s not how I meant it.”

“How did you mean it?”

“I meant I find  _ marriage  _ repulsive.”

“Of course you do,” Sonny nodded. She raised an eyebrow at him. “The only real example of marriage you’ve seen is your parents and that obviously didn’t go well. You work in a place where we see people stuck in horrible marriages, sometimes worse. I don’t think you know a single successful married couple. It makes complete sense that you would be turned off by marriage.”

Amanda’s voice was quiet now. “If you knew all that then why did you ask me?”

“I really was just trying to make conversation, it was a long car ride.”

She gave him a look as if to say ‘yeah right.’

He blushed. “Ok fine, maybe I just wanted to see if you had changed your feelings towards marriage even a little.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint.” Her arms were crossed, the chill was starting to get to her, even with his jacket on but she still didn’t want to admit she was cold.

“Even being with me you still feel the same way?” he asked and his voice sounded as hurt as he looked now and she felt even worse about being so quick to snap at him in the car and then freezing him out most of the evening. They were supposed to have a fun night together and she ruined it with her mood.

She reached out a hand toward him and he silently took it. “It’s not you,” she clarified and almost rolled her eyes at the cliche, “it’s just - marriage destroys relationships and I don’t want it to destroy this one.”

With his other free hand, Sonny rubs his head. “I can...understand that,” he said slowly. “But Amanda you realize that we practically live together, right? We’re with each other any moment we can be outside of work, we’re always finding activities for the girls to do with us, you bring them to my office sometimes to surprise me. I have a toothbrush in your bathroom. A toothbrush, Amanda.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his dramatics, squeezing his hand and tugging him closer. “That may all be true, but it’s just a sign that things are going well for us. I don’t want to mess it up with papers.”

He still looked somewhat disappointed and she nervously backed away from his warmth. “Unless you can’t see anything but marriage in the future for us.”

“Someday, yeah,” he answered, shrugging. His honesty was appreciated by her but she felt her heart sink.

“So what does this mean?” she whispered, scared now.

“It means,” he started and she bit her lip, bracing herself but he put his arm around her shoulders, bringing her into him, “that we’ll be just fine.”

She let out a sigh of relief so loud and wrapped her arm around his waist. She knew that marriage was a big deal to him but never thought their relationship would go as far as it had. He was close to living with them now and she had an inkling suspicion that soon that may be changing to permanent. She wanted to ask if not getting married was a deal breaker but was very afraid of the answer. 

“Let’s get inside,” he led her back to the entrance doors, “Jesse’s probably worried and Billie’s probably ruining whatever moves Elliot might be trying to make.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand that,” Amanda shook her head and Sonny opened the door for them to walk through, their arms still around each other. “If someone did to me what he did to her, I couldn’t forgive him.”

“What’s that thing you once said?” Sonny smirked, “love is love, right?”

Amanda rolled her eyes at him and pinched his side as they made their way back to their table, crossing the dance floor. “We gotta get these girls home.”

“We will,” Sonny said, “just give me one minute. Or four.”

“Ok,” she nodded, watching as he ran to Olivia and spoke to her quietly, Billie still sleeping despite the loud music and chatter all around. She spotted Jesse finally worn out in a chair next to Noah, the two heads close together as he played on an iPad.

Sonny came back to her and smiled, holding his hand out. “One dance with me and then we’ll go home.”

Trying to resist rolling her eyes again, she indulged and took his hand.

A slow song began and couples continued to dance, the newlyweds included. Amanda smiled at their happiness as Sonny brought her on the dance floor and pulled her close. She placed her hands on his shoulders.

“Do I get to have this back or are you still cold?” he asked, plucking at the lapels at her stomach.

“I’m still cold,” she smiled sweetly. She wasn’t cold anymore.

He saw right through her but kept quiet anyway, swaying with her slowly. It was a soft, slow country tune, reminding her of home, which she usually didn’t want reminders of but with him it was alright. They looked at each other, no words spoken, and swayed, barely moving, just enjoying the closeness. In a surprising move, he took her hand and brought her out in a twirl, making her laugh as she collided back into him, her hand clutching his arm and he dropped a kiss above her eyebrow. Her hands trailed up his shoulders to wrap around his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair, staring back into his kind eyes.

“You still want me?” her tone was light, almost joking but Sonny knew the implication of her words were rooted in fear.

He smiled at her, his dimples deepening in his cheeks, her favorite smile. “Absolutely.”

She ran her hand over his hair, bringing it around to his cheek. Feeling incredibly lucky to have someone like him, she bit her lip in concern. 

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed, “you’re too good for me. You should be with someone who will want to marry you someday.”

“I am,” he said confidently and she raised her brows in surprise.

“Are you? Who is she, I’ll kill her,” Amanda smiled warmly.

Sonny laughed, pulling her even closer, and whispered in her ear. “We’re pretty much there already, aren’t we?”

Amanda pursed her lips, nodding, “yeah, I guess we kinda are. But let’s not let a disagreement or argument happen again in front of the girls, ok?” Off his look, “fine,  _ I  _ will be sure to hold off my reactions at trigger words like marriage.”

Sonny ran his hand up and down her side soothingly. “We’re not your parents, Amanda.”

“I know,” she whispered, “I know that. You’re the best father figure my girls ever had and ever will have.”

He contemplated playfully for a moment, wagging his eyebrows up and down. “Sounds like another good reason to get married, doesn’t it? And don’t think I didn’t see you crying at Fin and Phoebe’s wedding vows.”

Amanda looked away stubbornly and Sonny laughed. For someone that was so against marriage, his girlfriend was so the mushy type and will deny it until the end of time.

“Ah, hell,” she shook her head. “You’re exhausting.”

“A normal thing married couples say.”

“Shutup.”

“That too.”

“If I kiss you, will you shutup?”

“Probably.”

She kissed him deeply, her tongue sliding into his mouth, her hands caressing the back of his neck. The harder she held onto him, kissed him, the more he thought she was trying to convey how she felt about him, the guilt over not wanting to get married weighing on her mind.

“Ew, mama!” Jesse’s squeals broke their kiss and Amanda laughed, oddly shy then, wiping her mouth and lovingly caressing the smudge of lipstick off his face.

Sonny took her hand in his and kissed it. “There isn’t a rush, ok? I don’t want you to think I’ll be waiting for the day you change your mind.”

“I kinda already am,” she admitted, shrugging one shoulder. “You make valid points.”

He was grinning widely. “I am pretty convincing,” he said and they stopped dancing. He took her arm in his and they walked over to their table. “So I  _ should _ be waiting to ask?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You’re exhausting.” 

She bumped his hip with hers as they got to their table. “Come on babe, let’s go,” Amanda called her daughter and waited for her to say goodbye to Noah. Jesse joined them and they found Olivia to take Billie back, Sonny bringing her to the car while Amanda and Jesse said their goodbyes and went to kiss Fin and Phoebe bye and congratulate them.

As they walked to the car where Carisi was waiting for them, still peacefully sleeping Billie in the car, Jesse swung her mother’s hand back and forth.

“Mama, when is your wedding going to be so I can dance again?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! i've decided to just add chapters to this story because otherwise i'd have to come up with a title for every idea i'm working on and....no thanks. anyway, these chapters aren't going to be in chronological order so just know that as you read this one! this chapter takes place after carisi's win in season 22, episode 6: the long arm of the witness.

“You should’ve kicked his ass.”

Sonny sipped his beer. “That wouldn’t have gone well in court.”

“Then I should have kicked his ass,” Amanda said and he smirked at her dangling feet on the barstool but didn’t have any doubts that she would’ve if she had been in the room when Judge Gallagher made his snide comments toward Sonny. The bar was relatively empty save for one bartender and another couple distanced away from them on the other end of the bar.

“No ass-kicking needed, it played out how it was supposed to.”

Amanda nodded, taking another sip of her beer. “You’re right, the judge did the ass-kicking.” He agreed and they sat in silence for a moment.

She turned toward him then on the barstool, her knees touching his thigh. “This was a big win. I’m really proud of you.”

Sonny smiled at her, touched. “Thanks, Amanda. Means a lot.”

She reached out and squeezed his leg, turning back to the bar and finishing off her beer. Her nonchalance at the casual way she touched him on the leg, not once but twice, made him feel embarrassed at how easily affected he was by her closeness. However, he also felt pleased that she was so comfortable with him. A warm feeling in his chest bloomed outward, warming his whole body, much like it had when she had fallen asleep against him on New Year’s Eve. Some could argue the warmth could be coming from the alcohol but he knew it wasn’t because they had only had one drink and he knew by now his body’s reaction to Amanda’s more than friendly touches.

He couldn’t figure out for the life of him if she was throwing hints that she was suddenly interested in him though and he most certainly did not want to risk it by making a move and in turn making their close friendship awkward if he were to take the risk and be very, very wrong.

Amanda looked over at him curiously, wondering why he was being so quiet. Usually, when he won a case and they celebrated, he would chatter nonstop, his accent becoming more and more obvious. This time he was quiet, almost stoic.

“You feeling ok?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he told her, “why?”

She shrugged, “well, it’s just...you’ve barely touched your drink and my ears aren’t bleeding from all the talking.”

“Ha ha,” he fake laughed and she nudged his shoulder with hers. He almost put his head in his hands at yet again another display of affection from her. He was so confused.  _ Was _ she leading him on or was she just more comfortable with him? Sonny knew she trusted him, enough to even break down in front of him like after Bucci. He knew her well enough to know she was rarely ever vulnerable, in front of her co-workers especially. It was very important to him that she felt safe showing her feelings in front of him since he knew how big of a deal it was to her that she showed it to anyone.

That’s why he would probably never make a move, much as he might like to. He would rather be alone forever than to have Amanda lose her trust in him.

“I hate to cut the celebration short,” she interjected his thoughts, “but it’s getting late and I want to be able to put the girls to sleep.”

“Of course,” Sonny paid for their drinks and she smiled in thanks, gathering her coat and purse. “You mind if I come over for a minute? Just to tell them goodnight?”

“Sure,” she said and they left the bar. “Jesse’s been wonderin’ why you haven’t been coming over since New Years'.”

He felt a pang of guilt and it must have shown in his face because she looked at him with sympathy. “Don’t feel bad, I told her you have a busy job. Which she then made me feel guilty by asking if your job was as busy as mine.”

“You’re a great mother,” he reassured her firmly and he tried hailing a cab when he felt a raindrop.

“And you’re a great godfather,” she shot back, “so we both can’t feel guilty now.”

A taxi stopped for them and he opened the door for her just as it started to rain. “Fine, but I’m taking them to the park this weekend.” He followed her into the cab.

“They hate wearing their masks,” she pointed out.

“Oh, right,” he remembered, sighing. “Well, I guess I could come over and cook something?”

“You invitin’ yourself?” She teased.

  
“I’m sorry, did you have  _ plans  _ during a pandemic?” he snorted.

Amanda leaned her head back in the cab, her hands on both sides of her, her purse resting in her lap. His hands were in his lap but he couldn’t help but notice the close proximity of her hand close to his leg. Again. Sonny shook his head as if trying to shake his thoughts away. It was getting ridiculous, how much he was overthinking this. It was nothing. They were all a coincidence.

Sonny gave the driver Amanda’s address and it began to pour down outside.

“Good call,” Amanda murmured about the rain, still leaning back. He could tell she was getting tired, the work of the week wearing her out.

Sonny nodded, quiet again, trying desperately not to think about her hand next to him on the seat, her fingers tapping impatiently. They taunted him, as if saying  _ come on, I’m waiting for something, anything _ but he just looked out the window and continued to ignore his thoughts.

When they got to Amanda’s apartment, it was still pouring. She sighed, getting her key out, knowing how difficult it was going to be to get the girls to bed during a thunderstorm. 

“We’ll read them a story or something,” Sonny suggested as they exited the cab and making a run for the door, using their coats to shield at least their heads from getting wet.

“Mama!” Jesse called happily when they got inside the apartment, Billie looking sleepily from her walker but eyes widening with excitement when she noticed Amanda. “Uncle Sonny!”

“Hey, Jess,” Sonny greeted warmly from his spot at the front door, “Hi, B,” he waved at the baby and she responded by sticking her fist in her mouth.

Amanda shook her pants leg, taking her soaking wet shoes off and instructing Sonny to do the same. Her babysitter immediately went to retrieve towels from the girl's bathroom and gave them both one to dry off with. Sonny laughed when he noticed the towel she had handed him was a towel with a hood attached made to look like a dog, ears and all. “Cute,” he commented.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Amanda’s sitter, Caroline, blushed.

Sonny quickly pulled the hood over his head. “For what?”

Jesse giggled at the dog ears and Caroline smiled, blush still on her cheeks. Amanda finished drying off, plucking at an ear on top of Sonny’s head. “It’s supposed to be Frannie.”

Sonny looked alarmed. “Is this towel for the dog?”

At Jesse’s eruption of giggles, Sonny feigned surprised disgust and Amanda rolled her eyes. “We  _ washed  _ it.” 

Caroline was still smiling. “I think it suits you.”

“It’s much better than my lawyer look,” Sonny agreed and Amanda watched as Sonny took the towel off his head and dried himself off as best he could, her eyes flickering to Caroline, who was also watching him.

“Anyway, Caroline, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Amanda said a little abruptly, taking Caroline’s gaze away from Sonny. 

“Yeah!” Caroline answered, grabbing her stuff and hugging Jesse. “Bye girls, see you tomorrow!” She headed for the door as Amanda leaned down to grab Billie.

“Need me to walk you down?” Sonny asked, making Amanda look up from her daughter for Caroline’s answer.

“No, thank you, I’m parked right outside,” Caroline said politely and Amanda held Billie while gesturing to Jesse to start picking up toys.

“Alright, have a good night, stay dry,” Sonny waved.

“Thanks,” Caroline left and Amanda finished helping Jesse pick up toys and books scattered around the living room.

“Mama, do I have to go to bed? Uncle Sonny is here!” Jesse pleaded, grabbing the hem of her mother's damp shirt and pouting her lips.

“Uncle Sonny is just here to tell you goodnight, babe,” Amanda smiled down at her daughter, poking her cheek which she puffed out in disappointment..

“And I’ll read you a bedtime story, if you want, Jess,” Sonny told her and she cheered in delight, making him laugh at how easily pleased she was.

Sonny went over to Amanda holding Billie and bopped her tiny nose with his finger. “Goodnight, Billie,” he told her with a smile.

While Sonny went to read to Jesse in her bedroom, Amanda took Billie to her crib after rocking her for a few minutes, humming as she stroked her daughter’s blonde hair. “Goodnight, honey,” she whispered, lowering the sleeping baby into her crib. She left the room and went out into the hallway to peer into Jesse’s room, Sonny still reading to her, his tall figure looking very awkward on her daughter’s tiny bed but Jesse attached her arm to his, listening intently as he read and her heart flipped at the sweet sight, her cold, damp body from the rain feeling warm now. She knocked once on the wall to get their attention.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” she informed them and Sonny nodded, Jesse’s arm detangled from his and she held hers out to her mother.

Amanda walked into the room to her daughter, leaning over Sonny to reach for her, and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, bug,” she kissed her again.

While Amanda was showering, she thought about the way Caroline looked at Sonny. The girl was younger than them so Amanda could see her easily having a crush on any handsome, successful man but this one happened to be Sonny. Her partner.  _ Not anymore, _ she thought. Weren’t they always partners in a sense, her heart argued, we always look out for each other.  _ Except for the time you made him feel guilty for leaving you.  _

After her shower, Amanda put on her favorite pink fuzzy robe, she stopped at Jesse’s room again and watched her daughter sleeping peacefully for a moment, Sonny nowhere to be seen. She walked into the living room and was pleasantly surprised he was lounging on her couch. “She fell asleep fast.”

“About two minutes after you left the room,” Sonny confirmed, looking up at Amanda in her robe but then immediately looking back toward the muted tv, feeling like an idiotic sixteen-year-old boy that just saw a barely clothed woman for the first time. For him, technically it was the first time he had seen her barely clothed. Or at least he thought. Was she wearing anything underneath? Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing he would just  _ stop  _ thinking about Amanda this way. Was she trying to drive him crazy or was he really just reading too much into it?

A boom of thunder stopped his thoughts momentarily and he was startled when she went around the couch to sit next to him, a small distance between them but he could smell the shampoo from her wet hair and some kind of flowery scented lotion, which he deduced must have come from her legs because they looked shiny. He looked away from her and toward the door.

“Thanks for celebrating with me tonight,” he stood up, “I should probably get going.”

Amanda remained on the couch. “Don’t you want to wait until the rain stops?”

“What’s a little rain?” Sonny shrugged, hands in his pockets.

“Come on,” Amanda tempted, “you just dried off. We can watch some bad tv, we never do that anymore.”

There was that pang of guilt again over leaving her without a partner and sometimes without a friend to hang out with. “I guess so, for a little while.”

“Great,” Amanda grinned widely, patting the couch next to her and he wondered when it was that she started to be so happy to have him around.

He sat next to her again, this time keeping a more noticeable distance between the two and his eyes drifted to her bare legs which were now showing since she adjusted herself on the couch into a more comfortable position, legs underneath her, making the robe ride up some.

She had to be tempting him. Either that or he was so eager to be with her that almost any movement she made with him around could be construed as showing she was interested.

Sonny rubbed at his eyes, tired of his thoughts invading him this way. He just wanted to be with Amanda, hang out with his friend in any way he could that she was happy with. He just wished he knew what she wanted. There wasn’t a chance in hell he was about to ask her. He thought back to the time in front of her motel room when she had  _ looked  _ interested in kissing him, but stopped herself. He reluctantly reminded himself of the deep embarrassment and hurt he felt the morning after when he noticed another man leaving her room. Didn’t need that kind of humiliation to happen again, he thought. He watched the channels change, his elbows on his legs, leaning forward toward the tv.

“Tired?” Amanda asked and he looked over at her, her arm folded at the back of the couch, holding her head up.

“Just a little, yeah.” He said, “long week.”

“And it’s not even over yet.” Amanda continued flipping through channels with her other hand. “You know, you could stay here tonight if you needed to,” she commented casually, still flipping through channels, not looking at him, “if you’re too tired or you don’t want to go out in the rain or - or whatever.”

There was no way she was throwing all of these hints unknowingly. No way. He decided that two could play at that game.

“Sure, I’d love to see what you look like in the morning.”

Amanda definitely picked up on what he was putting down but she didn’t see it coming so her mouth almost hung open in shock. He tried not to look too pleased at flustering her the way she had done to him for God knows how long.

“Are you flirting with me, Counselor?”

Sonny looked behind his shoulder at her, his dimple showing in his cheek. “Is it working?”

Amanda felt her cheeks warm at the gaze he was giving her and she looked down into her lap, her fingers fidgeting with her robe. She looked back up to answer him when there was another loud roar of thunder, this time taking the electricity out. Amanda waited a moment to hear if her children cried out for her, but sighed in relief when she heard nothing.

“I’ll go get a candle,” she mumbled, standing up and slowly feeling her way toward her kitchen where she kept her favorite candle.

“ _ A  _ candle?” She heard Sonny ask and he must still have been in the living room. “You mean you only have one?”

“I have a few flashlights,” she defended herself as she stumbled in her kitchen, looking through drawers and feeling for a lighter. Finally finding one, she lit the candle and placed it back on her counter, thinking of where she kept her flashlights.

“You’re very well prepared.” His voice startled her as it sounded closer now and she jumped, turning around when she immediately felt the warmth of his body, which was suddenly  _ very  _ close to hers.

“I try,” her voice sounded breathy now, her body still, not daring to move. She wished she could see his face but she definitely felt his presence. She reached out her hand to tap what she imagined was his chest in front of her. “You here to help me look for a flashlight?” she tried to act casual again, act as if his closeness wasn’t affecting her breathing as much as it obviously was.

He groaned low in his throat and she felt a heat rise through her body. “What are you trying to do to me?”

Before she could ask what he meant, she gasped when she felt his hands on her hips and he pulled her into him, his lips somehow finding hers in the dark. Her hands quickly framed his face as he kissed her and she kissed him back, her body soaring, her heartbeat racing. He pulled away slowly, painfully slowly, but kept his face near hers, their noses touching. “Need help with that flashlight?” His breath was warm, smelled faintly like the one alcoholic drink they had. It made her dizzy and she shook her head, bringing her arms around his neck.

“No, it’s not important.”

He chuckled into her mouth and she kissed him again, this time opening her mouth to his and exploring, her hands roaming. His hands went to the front of her waist to the knot of her robe. She felt him untie it and she moaned into his mouth when he put his hands on her skin. She was wearing a tank top and underwear and his fingers caressed the skin above the garment.

“You were trying to tease me,” he breathed, “you wore this for me.”

“So?” she whispered, “it worked, didn’t it?”

He kissed her, his fingers curling under her tank top now and she stopped him to pull him toward the couch, her arm out in front of her to feel it in the darkness. She guided him to the couch and waited for him to sit before getting in his lap and continuing to kiss him. Her hands ran up and down his chest, his shirt barely damp anymore and she itched to take it off but stopped herself.

Sonny stopped kissing her lips to move to her cheek and neck and she leaned her head to the side, breathing heavily as his lips explored her soft skin, eliciting a gasp when she felt his tongue at her collarbone. She grabbed for his face again, this time stopping him and looking at him even though she couldn’t see his eyes, could only tell by the way she held his face.

“I want to keep going but thunderstorms usually eventually wake one of my girls up,” she said, disappointed, “and I don’t want to start something tonight I can’t finish.”

“I understand,” Sonny said, not a hint of frustration in his voice. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“I’m glad you finally did,” she said softly, her hands at the back of his neck, in his hair.

“I didn’t want to...mess this up,” he finished and she could tell he was still worried that there might be a chance of that.

She shook her head in the dark. “You didn’t. I’ve wanted this too.”

“That’s a relief.” Sonny sighed and she felt his hand stroke her hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Her thighs squeezed his body. “Not at the moment.”

Sonny could feel her grin and his body was well aware of the heat from hers. “In that case, I’m going to kiss you again, ok?”

She laughed at his asking when earlier he had simply just kissed her passionately. She nodded even though he couldn’t see it and said, “yes, that’s ok.”

His kiss was just as passionate as the first and she rocked against him on the couch, making her moan and him groan simultaneously at the friction. She felt she better stop before it was too late or before one of her daughters interrupted. It was still storming out so it was most likely only a matter of time.

Amanda pulled away, her breathing erratic, her body thrumming with need and she imagined he probably felt the same. At least, she felt that he was also in need of her, as she felt his hardness against her stomach when she leaned into him. She pressed her forehead against his. “We should probably stop,” she exhaled.

“Ok,” he whispered simply and his arms went around her and he held her close to him, her head resting on his shoulder now. She loved him, felt it fiercely in the butterflies in her stomach and the thumping, staccato beating of her heart. “Rain check?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need Amanda comforting Sonny and I need it now. Also, I'm back in film classes which most likely means slower updates but hopefully not too bad. Thank you for reading and for all of your lovely comments.

The squad room was almost eerily quiet that Thursday afternoon. Officers and detectives worked without talking, the sounds of paperwork being filed and shuffled on desks.

The calm was interrupted when Captain Olivia Benson stormed into the room, two trailing behind her, in the middle of a conversation. The unit’s ADA and Benson’s detective were bickering as they followed and the remaining people in the room observed Captain Benson pinch the bridge of her nose, a sign that they had been going at it a while. Some watched with mild interest, others used to it. 

There was a running joke in the squad room that Rollins and Carisi were sometimes like Benson’s children, mostly when they butt heads. Benson didn’t appreciate the jokes as it reminded her of the hell she and her old partner gave her former Captain Cragen from time to time.

“You can’t say ‘he said, she said’ anymore, it’s bullshit and you know it,” Amanda was saying.

“ _ I  _ didn’t say it,” Carisi pointed out. “the defense did. They tore Kylie’s social media apart, which she never told me about. I’ve never been so flabbergasted in a courtroom in my life when they pulled up her secret account! And  _ you  _ know that the witnesses we had were hardly convincing on the stand.”

“It’s your  _ job  _ to make them convincing for the jury!” Amanda’s voice was rising in pitch, her face flush with frustration.

“Guys, can we just...take a minute in my office, please?” Olivia asked, wary of the curious listeners around them. She opened the door to her office and led them in.

After Olivia closed the door behind her, she turned back to her fuming detective and stressed ADA, his arms crossed in front of him as Amanda continued.

“I worked my ass off to get you everything I possibly could to help Kylie. Once she noticed how upset Adam’s parents were about him losing his scholarship, she started to sound real reluctant. She didn’t see him as the monster that raped her anymore, she saw him as some kid that just got too drunk and never learned about proper consent. You were supposed to show the jury that no matter what circumstances, there is no excuse.” Amanda was fierce, not backing down from this. They were all very disappointed in the turn out of this case. Amanda blamed Carisi for not doing his job well enough but Carisi had made the mistake of mentioning that he wasn’t given enough in the first place to persuade the jury, thus pissing off Amanda. She hated being told that she didn’t work hard enough.

“You think I don’t know that, Amanda? After you told me I had been too aggressive with Kylie when I warned her about changing her story, I backed off.” Carisi sighed, clearly upset with himself. “ I froze in court, ok? I froze. I got nervous to question her again after she changed the tone. I could see the jury empathizing with the defendant more than the victim and I saw the prick’s smug face, too. It really pissed me off and I didn’t want to show my frustration. Especially with a victim.”

“Why don’t you just say why you’re really frustrated, hmm?” Amanda challenged, “you’re really pissed because you lost this case because  _ I  _ didn’t give you enough.”

Sonny squeezed his eyes shut at her incessant emphasis on  _ I. _ “This again, huh? You know, I knew it!” he exclaimed, his arms swinging out in disbelief, Olivia’s eyes widening in surprise. “I knew you still had issues with me leaving! You resent me for it,” His last words were more level headed then as if he just came to that conclusion and he looked even more upset now.

“Ok, this is getting us nowhere,” Olivia finally chimed in from her desk, noticing both of their defeated expressions. “I understand how difficult of a case this was, believe me. But the fact is that Kylie just wants to move on with her life now, if she changes her mind on how she feels,” Olivia shrugs, at a loss, “we can’t be angry at her for that.”

A hush fell over Rollins and Carisi then as they began to come to the realization that they couldn’t do anything more, it was over.

“Yeah, well,” Sonny concluded, solemn, “now Adam is going to go to college and think it’s ok to do to other girls at parties since I let him get away with it the first time.”

With that, he left Olivia’s office and Amanda shared a guilty look with her Captain before following him out.

All eyes watched her as she caught up with him on the elevator, the officers going back to their business once Captain Benson’s arguing children were out of sight.

Carisi didn’t ask why Rollins followed him in the elevator. He knew she had to finish out the workday before going home, and he had to go back to his own office. He rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. Amanda stood next to him, stoic now, her hands at her sides, fingers itching to do something with them. She really hated apologizing or admitting she went too far.

“I don’t,” she sighed, feeling his eyes on her when she finally spoke but she still looked straight ahead at the elevator doors as they went down to the first floor, “I don’t resent you.”

When he didn’t say anything, she turned to look at him and he just nodded but she could tell he was still troubled. She didn’t blame him. She was too.

She wanted to ask if she’d see him later but she didn’t.

/~/~/~/~/~/

Grabbing her jacket, Amanda stood up after closing her laptop. She was so glad it was almost the weekend. She barely got any work done after her fight with Sonny, feeling too guilty and embarrassed at their behavior in front of her colleagues and her boss.

“You leaving?” Olivia asked from her office door, phone in hand.

“Yeah,” Amanda nodded. She cleared her throat. “Listen, Liv. I’m sorry for earlier. I think I -” she corrected herself, “I  _ know  _ I was -  _ am  _ \- more upset at myself for not giving Carisi more to work with. I pushed him to pursue the case when I knew it wasn’t strong.”

“I understand, Amanda,” Olivia assured, “you wanted to fight for Kylie. I’ve been there. We all have. It was a tough case.”

“The first one he’s lost,” Amanda said, then coming to the realization at how upsetting it must be for him. She thought about Kylie and how she shook off the court’s decision not to convict, choosing instead to try and be optimistic about her future. Instead of admiring Kylie’s strength, she felt angrier for the lack of justice.

“I should go,” Amanda mumbled, ready to get home to her girls and to relieve her sitter.

“You should be there,” Olivia said as Amanda began walking away. She stopped and turned to her boss. Olivia’s eyes held so much knowledge, warmth, and empathy. Amanda wished she could be half as fearless as Olivia was. “Having someone there, a best friend...someone. It helps tremendously,” she finished.

Amanda nodded and wondered how much Olivia knew. If she knew anything about Amanda’s relationship with Sonny, she wasn’t showing it in her features. Amanda often wondered in moments like this, moments Olivia gave her advice, what experiences her boss had that led her here. She was so private sometimes and one day the blonde detective hoped to learn more, hoped to be closer. Regardless, Liv was still very much like family to her and she felt a rush of gratitude toward her captain. “Thanks, Liv.”

“Goodnight, Amanda. Tell your girls I said hello.”

“I will.”

On her way home, Amanda called Caroline. The young woman answered on the second ring, informing Amanda that Sonny had shown up and let her go home. She hung up with Caroline and smiled as she thought about Sonny putting the girls to bed, knowing how much it soothed him to take care of others.

/~/~/~/~/~/

He sensed her presence as soon as she stepped foot into the bathroom. He stayed quiet, letting the hot water cascade over his body, listening to her slight movements.

Sonny heard the shower curtain slowly open behind him but he didn’t turn to look. She peacefully joined him in the shower, hesitating before reaching out to wrap her arms around his shoulders from behind, her cheek pressing against his wet shoulder. They stood silently still while the water descended over them. She was thankful he didn’t step away from her.

“You mad at me?” She asked softly, her mouth brushing the back of his shoulder.

He sighed, turning his head to the side out of the water and moving his arms up to hold her hands which were interlocked around his body under his collarbone. “No. I’m mad at myself.”

“It’s not your fault,” she defended him, and his heart burst with love for her. That he had someone special to defend him even when he definitely was at fault was important to him.

“It was. I let a rapist go free, Amanda.”

“ _ You  _ didn’t let him go free, Dominick, the jury did.”

Sonny shook his head in denial, still blaming himself. “He’s going to go back out there and think it’s ok to rape again because he got away with it this time.”

Amanda released him from her hold, tapping his shoulder to face her. “Let me on that side now, I’m cold.”

Sonny switched places with her and watched pathetically as she wet her hair and reached for the soap.

“You had very little to go on, Sonny. We couldn’t get you enough evidence, there was no rape kit, no DNA. This was the case from hell.” She told him, beginning to wash her body.

“We’ve gotten rapists with less,” Sonny said.

Amanda stood up straight from washing her leg, noticing his forlorn expression. She held out the bar of soap. “Wanna get in here?”

Usually, he would pick up on her innuendo and laugh but he stayed passive and she sighed, continuing to wash her body. “Look, I’m sorry for earlier. It’s just been a really rough week, not finding hardly anything. And sometimes you get so - so  _ lawyery  _ in there that it pisses me off.”

“It’s my job to make sure we have enough to convict,” he shrugged, “I’m just -”

“Doing your job,” Amanda finished, “I know.” She set the soap back down and faced him. “We all did our jobs. Unfortunately there just...wasn’t enough there. We thought we could get him with Kylie’s words and we couldn’t. I'm at fault, too. It sucks.”

Sonny noticed her now using the word  _ we  _ but didn’t say anything about it.“It  _ really  _ sucks. I have this awful feeling in my stomach. Kylie deserves justice.” Sonny’s voice cracked then and Amanda’s brows furrowed with worry for him. “And I couldn’t do that for her.”

“You gotta stop blamin’ yourself,'' Amanda consoled, coming closer to him to let the water run down her back. The guilt was back in full force now that she saw how much losing this case had affected him. Her pointing the finger and blame at him definitely made the situation worse. She hated that she was so hard on him when he was already hard on himself. She had the same problem. “It’s always the rapist's fault, and like you told Kylie, one day we could appeal.”

“God knows if that day will ever come,” Sonny whispered.

“It’s your first big loss,” she reasoned, “it happens. That doesn’t mean you’re not good at what you do and it doesn’t mean that Kylie won’t be ok. She’ll get the help she needs, she’ll get support.”

Sighing again, Sonny nodded reluctantly. He was tired of talking now. The whole week had been a nightmare of all the ways a court case could go wrong. Kylie had kept a secret social media account from him, witnesses were unreliable, no DNA, no rape kit, everything that could go wrong went wrong. The nail in the coffin had been Kylie’s sudden change in demeanor during her testimony and Sonny realized it could be her feeling guilty for potentially ruining Adam’s academic career when in reality he shouldn’t have raped her at all and he wouldn’t have lost his scholarship. All Sonny could go on was Kylie’s testimony and her friend's awkward witness testimony where she admitted she “didn’t really see the assault happen” but knew the defendant Adam was a well-known creep in their high school despite being the Big Man on campus.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“No, I’m sorry. You did everything you could.” She bit her lip and noticed he had been out of the water for a while now. She tugged on his arm and pulled him toward her under the water. 

He wrapped his arms around her small form, running his hand down her wet hair, trailing his fingers down her neck. She placed her hands on his back, leaning into him and touching her lips against his chest. She rubbed his back soothingly. “I hate fighting with you.”

“Really? You usually love to rag on me.” She could hear the slight teasing tone in his voice and she smiled against his skin.

“I do but this one was ugly. I hated myself as soon as I opened my mouth.”

“Don’t,” he said, hand still stroking her hair, “like you said, it’s been a bad week. It’s...it’s over now.”

She could tell he wouldn’t be over the jury’s verdict for a while and she wasn’t happy about it either but she was glad they had each other to get through it. She just looked up at him, her eyes gazing into his, the water falling over them, her hair sticking to her face and shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he said back immediately and she felt warm all over again, this time not from the water. She lifted herself up on her tiptoes to kiss him and stroked his face with her thumb.

“Are you really still mad at me for leaving?” he asked and she felt another wave of guilt for making him feel bad about it.

“I’ve had a lot of people leave,” Amanda admitted, leaning into him even more as he continued to caress her hair under the water. She tightened her grip on him. “But you’re the one person besides my girls it would kill me to lose. So,” she shrugged one shoulder, “I guess I got scared.”

Sonny marveled at her increasing ability to open herself up to him, pleased he could be her person. “You don’t have to be. I’m in this.”

Amanda angled her forehead to his chin, smiling when she felt him press his lips against her head. “I know how I can make it up to you,” she pulled back, waggling her eyebrows playfully, lightly trailing her hand down his body. His eyebrows rose in interest and she covered his mouth with hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mayhaps one day we'll get to that smut chapter but I ran out of time for this one :) there is fluff! floofy fluffy fluff! also, just imagining these two in a relationship where they tease and joke around? i'm not crying but i'm crying. happy valentine's day!

Olivia, Fin, and Amanda were all finishing up paperwork from a case they had caught earlier that weekend. Olivia was slightly irritated, she would have rather been spending time with her son, stuck in her office instead. Amanda wanted to be with her girls and boyfriend. Fin was annoyed he couldn’t be home to spend Valentine’s Day with his fiancée, even though he hated the holiday. The three were meticulously checking through every page to make sure there were no mistakes, eager to get home to their loved ones.

“Ohhhh, look at this guy,” Fin’s voice floated throughout the squad room, making Amanda look up from her laptop at him. She turned her head to see Sonny smiling wide in their direction, his dimples on full display.

“What on earth…” she shook her head when she noticed all the items in his arms.

Sonny continued to grin, setting a large rolled-up sandwich from her favorite deli on the desk, a giant heart shaped balloon tied to it. His other arm held a single yellow rose.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Sonny told her, handing her the rose, which she took, her cheeks flushing when she noticed the few in the squad room watching.

When she noticed the label of her favorite kind of sandwich, she started to laugh, tugging at the balloon string that most definitely took up too much space for her desk area.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly to Sonny, feeling a bit embarrassed in front of her coworkers, though not wanting to admit it secretly gave her joy that she and another older woman that worked downstairs got a corny Valentine’s gift. Amanda shrugged, “no one’s ever given me a gift that’s truly -”

“Lame?” Fin chimed in, snickering when Carisi shot him a look.

“The way to my heart,” Amanda finished, setting the rose down on her desk and grabbing the sandwich, jokingly holding it to her chest. “I will treasure this.”

Sonny placed his hand on Amanda’s shoulder, expression feigning seriousness. “I know you will.”

Amanda hungrily unwrapped her sandwich, sticking out her tongue at Fin and taking a large bite. Sonny smiled, watching her wiggle in her seat happily.

“You didn’t get one?” Amanda asked, still chewing from the huge bite she had taken.

“Nah, I got a date,” he answered casually, hands in his pockets.

Amanda stopped chewing, putting her sandwich down and sitting up in her chair. “You what?”

Sonny stifled a laugh at her looking so cute, a tendril of hair falling in her face as she hastily swiped it away, her cheeks still full as she finished chewing and swallowed.

“I have a candy date with two tiny blondes,” he smiled again at her and she rolled her eyes, but grinned at his sweetness.

“That’s adorable,” Fin deadpanned, Amanda, resisting the urge to go over to him and smack the back of his head. 

Other Valentine’s Days she had received gifts, despite her lack of enthusiasm for the “holiday.” She had even complained to Sonny about how much she hated it and the idea of giving gifts to a girl just because corporations and department stores said you should. She had almost gone on a whole rant about it to him when he asked if she would be upset if she didn’t receive anything from him.

She paused, pursing her lips. “No,” she finally answered, arms crossing as they sat on her couch together, “I wouldn’t.”

Sonny snorted then, not believing her for one second. He knew how much she not so secretly loved mushy things. He had decided he wasn’t going to go all out for the day, but be really simple and casual, which she preferred.

Amanda took another bite of her sandwich. “Do the girls know you’re taking them to get candy?”

“Nope,” Sonny took a seat on the edge of Amanda’s desk and ignored her swatting at his thigh to get off her papers, “gonna surprise ‘em. I got two giant stuffed bears in the back of my car.”

“They’ll love that,” she said, smiling, already thinking of their excitement. She looked up at him adoringly, put her hand back on his thigh but this time with a loving caress, “you’re too good to us.”

“I know,” he agreed, setting his hand over hers, squeezing it.

“What are we doing tonight?” she asked, leaning back into her chair and fully enjoying her beloved sandwich.

“I just thought I’d cook and we can pick out a movie or something after the girls go to bed,” he suggested.

She nodded, it wasn’t any different from any other night when they spent time together, “sounds good to me.”

Sonny checked his watch. “I gotta get goin’, but I’ll see you at home later.” He bent to kiss her cheek and she leaned into him, smirking as she noticed Fin rolling his eyes at their display of affection. She usually didn’t like PDA but there was barely anyone else in the squad room and Sonny was being so sweet and attentive, she wanted to enjoy his attention rather than flinch at it.

She was finally in a real relationship where she felt absolutely loved and cared for. She didn’t have to look behind her shoulder when she left him to check and make sure he wasn’t flirting with someone else or handing out his number. She never felt insecure with him, inadequate sure, but that was her problem to work through, not his, though his confidence in her helped. 

Sonny didn’t shower her with expensive gifts and take her out to fancy restaurants, but rather spent time with her as much as their schedules would allow, gave her space when she needed it, adored both of her children, took care of her without hovering, and was always there if she needed, even if she didn’t know she needed him. Their relationship was still new, but every day Amanda had less and less doubt in their ability to make it work. For the first time she was learning how to love someone properly, without strings attached or feeling like they were her responsibility, and he in return was showing her how she deserved to be treated. She wasn’t surprised to find that Sonny was quite a gentleman and thoughtful of her feelings but she  _ was  _ surprised to find that, in the beginning, she wanted to be around him more and more, craved his company in the nights she was left alone with a bottle of wine, a muted tv, and two sleeping children down the hall. Now she had that companionship on a regular basis, and she was grateful for it. She’d be damned if she would ever let it go. Besides, if Sonny and she were to break up, she’d also be losing a best friend and she would do anything in her power to make sure that didn’t happen. She didn’t have many friends, not ones that knew her so fully, anyway. He was special and very important to her, though she has yet to admit it to him. She felt he knew somehow, anyway. He seemed to always know how she felt.

As she waved goodbye to Sonny, she twisted the ribbon from the balloon around her finger, deep in thought. Fin noticed her sandwich was gone and shook his head.

“Still hungry?” he asked, startling her.

“Hmm?”

“You’re staring at the wrapper from your sandwich like you’re sad it’s gone. What’s up?”

Amanda sat up from slouching in her seat, tying the balloon to the strap of her purse. “No, no. Just thinking.”

“About?” Fin asked.

She looked at him, feeling guilty. “I didn’t get him anything.”

Fin bent his head in response, understanding. He shrugged. “Get him a gift card to Olive Garden.”

The look she gave Fin would’ve made him laugh if he didn’t think she was capable of kicking his ass. “Ok, kidding. Maybe he doesn’t want anything? What does he even like?”

Amanda sighed, gesturing her arms up in frustration at herself. “He likes…taking care of people? I don’t know. I’m the worst girlfriend.”

“Maybe tonight you should take care of him,” Fin suggested.

Amanda waved her hand dismissively, “he was already getting laid, Fin.”

“Woah, I wasn’t talking about that!” Fin groaned, disgusted. “I meant like make him dinner, get his favorite beer, a massage or somethin’.”

She thought about it, tapping her pen on the desk. Those weren’t bad ideas, but he usually preferred to be in the kitchen. He  _ loved  _ to cook and she wasn’t sure if he would like her taking over in that way. “It’s not the worst idea. I’ll think of something.”

/~/~/~/~/~/~/

When she got home in the early evening, she cursed herself in her mind when she could already smell dinner cooking. She had hoped to make it home to cook something for him but in a last-second decision, she stopped at a bodega on her way home to grab his favorite beer, rolling her eyes at Fin who would be making fun of her right now. Amanda resisted the urge to groan loudly when she saw the same brand of beer sitting on her counter already as she added hers next to it and watched Sonny stirring at her stove.

“I got you beer,” she said, her expression stony.

“Hey, thanks!” Sonny exclaimed, “I got some earlier when we were out getting groceries.”

At the mention of we, Amanda’s children came running toward their mother’s legs, wrapping themselves around her. “Mommy!” Billie chirped.

“Mama, Uncle Sonny is making pasta carbon-a,” Jesse informed her, attached to her other leg.

Amanda placed her hands on both of their blonde heads, smiling at Jesse’s pronunciation.

“Carbo _ nara _ ,” Sonny corrected, “and I thought you were supposed to be helping me?”

“Can I put the garlic bread on the pan?” Jesse asked politely.

Amanda started to protest because she had told Sonny last week  _ no more garlic bread _ . She could feel her hips widening.

Sonny stopped her before she could. “They’re not for us, they’re for them. I got them the kind with the cheese in it.”

She raised a brow. “You? Got frozen garlic bread? I may faint.”

“Ha ha,” Sonny fake laughed, “they saw it in the frozen section and both wanted it. What was I supposed to do?”

“Say no?” Amanda smiled, knowing he couldn’t say no to those faces.

“Yeah, right, and risk not one but two toddler meltdowns? I’d rather get the bread,” he concluded.

“And why were you in the frozen section in the first place?” she asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Sonny liked everything fresh, it was rare for him to even look in the direction of the frozen aisle.

“He got you your favorite ice cream but we’re not supposed to tell you,” Jesse said, then realizing her mistake, “oops.”

Amanda shook her head, amused, and picked up Billie, holding the girl on her hip. “Ok, you go put the garlic bread on the pan, and then you and your sister go play in your room while I talk to Uncle Sonny, ‘kay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Jesse nodded, joining Sonny in the kitchen and doing as she was told. Amanda bounced Billie on her hip multiple times, making the girl giggle.

She twirled the blonde baby’s hair around her finger. “Did you like your surprise?”

Billie shook her head excitedly up and down while Jesse shouted from the kitchen. “We loved it! Uncle Sonny let me get  _ three kinds _ ! And we got two teddy bears.” 

“Three, huh?” Amanda bounced Billie again, tickling her, the girl laughing and wiggling to get out of her mother’s grip.

She could almost see Sonny slap his forehead with his palm. Her oldest probably wasn’t supposed to say anything about that either. “She couldn’t make up her mind on what kind of candy,” he defended.

“It’s ok,” Amanda reassured, setting Billie down when she gestured to a toy on the floor, “getting a toddler to decide on one thing of anything is next to impossible.”

“Finished!” Jesse beamed, hopping up and down next to Sonny, “can I put them in the oven?”

“Sorry, kid,” Sonny told her, patting her head, “you’re just not quite old enough for that yet.”

Jesse pouted but Amanda stopped the inevitable pleading before it could start. “Jess, why don’t you go in your room and play dolls with Billie?”

The girl continued to pout but left the kitchen to head to her bedroom, “ok. Come on, Billie, let’s go play.”

“I’ll come get you when dinner’s ready,” Sonny called out loudly so both could hear him from the hallway.

Amanda removed her coat and set it on the back of her couch, watching her boyfriend take a sip of his beer. He gestured to the couch. “Why don’t you sit down for a while and relax? This is almost done.”

She moved in his direction, raising both hands as she did so, to hold his face and squeeze his cheeks. “Why, why are you so good to us?”

He just smiled and she leaned in to kiss him, long and deep, trying to show her boundless appreciation for all that he did. He pulled away first so he could stir his pasta again.

“Seriously, Dominick, you do too much,” Amanda said, reaching over him to the pan of cut up bacon and grabbing a piece. “I didn’t even get you anything for Valentine’s Day. ‘Cept the beer,” she said, disappointed. “You got me a flower, my favorite sandwich for lunch, a balloon, ice cream,” she listed off.

Sonny’s reaction surprised her. He was laughing and she placed her hands on her hips. “What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Amanda, I would’ve gotten you all of that any other day of the week,” he said. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I have. Even before we were together.”

“Not the flower and balloon though,” she pointed out.

“No, not those, but they’re hardly extravagant gifts. I got the flower because it reminded me of you and how much you love yellow and I got the balloon because I wanted to annoy Fin.”

Amanda leaned her head to the side, amazed by him, and amused at the same time. She watched him check the garlic bread, turn the stove off. “You are good for me.  _ Too good. _ ”

“You kiddin’,” he scoffed, “you’re too good for me.”

“What?” Amanda blurted, “you’re joking, right?”

“No,” Sonny shook his head, turning the oven off now. He faced Amanda. “I never would’ve thought in a million years that a guy like me would get a girl like you.”

“Buddy, you’ve got it all wrong,” she laughed sarcastically, “I’m a mess!”

Sonny kept himself from rolling his eyes. “I know you see yourself as damaged goods, Amanda, but I don’t.” He was sincere, looking directly into her eyes. “I happen to think you’re pretty amazing, myself. I know you’ve been through bad things and those things may have led to you putting some walls up but I’ve seen you with them down and I know that you are a genuinely good person that just wants to do the right thing and help people.”

She wanted to cry at his words but she didn’t. It had been so long, if ever, that someone had really seen her and believed in her. She felt an almost overwhelming surge of affection and adoration for this man standing in her kitchen wearing oven mitts. She truly believed she didn’t deserve him but knew he was trying so hard to make her see that she did. She felt compelled to give him more of herself than she had since they got together, and felt the need to tell him she loved him for the first time. She opened her mouth to say it but stopped herself. She should wait. Wait for a better time. Maybe when she could plan something special for him, what that was she didn’t know yet but she wanted to show him how much he meant to her somehow.

She reached a hand out to touch his face again, her eyes sparkling. “You make me really happy.”

“Ditto,” he whispered, remembering a time when he told his boss that her happiness was what he wanted, and tapped her nose with his covered hand. “Now, please, stop thinking I’m too good for you and I’ll stop thinking the same. How about we just - be?”

“Ok,” she said, moving in closer to him, “it’ll take some practice.”

Before she could kiss him again, the timer on his phone went off and she pulled away, biting her lip at the interruption.

“Don’t do that,” Sonny grumbled as he turned to grab the bread from the oven. She smirked. He was  _ so  _ getting laid tonight. She wanted to laugh at how girly she felt.

“Time to eat!” Amanda yelled loud enough for her kids to hear.

/~/~/~/~/~/~/

“Ugh,” Amanda moaned from her spot on Sonny’s chest. They were lying on the couch, her arms wrapped around him, watching trash tv, the girls already asleep.

“Hmm?” Sonny hummed, his eyes blinking slowly, falling asleep.

“I’m so full I may not be able to have sex tonight,” she said lightly.

Sonny’s eyes widened. “That’s not funny,” he nudged her and she turned into his cotton shirt, smiling.

“Thank you for dinner,” she said sincerely, looking up at him, “and everything else.”

“‘S’no problem,” he mumbled and she could tell he was tired. Keeping up with two little kids takes a lot of energy and then he came home to cook them all dinner, played with the girls some, and did the dishes while she bathed them, even though she kept insisting that she should be the one to do the dishes.

“Don’t go to sleep,” she said quietly, tapping his cheek with her hand. She lifted herself up to get closer to him. “Wake up,” she whispered against his lips.

“I’m awake,” he murmured.

She pressed her lips against his, really not wanting him to sleep just yet. Rubbing his chest with her hand, she ran her tongue along his lips and he opened his mouth, inviting her in. She kissed him more deeply this time, willing him awake. He was more alert now, shifting on the couch to get more comfortable, his hands trailing to her lower back. Amanda brought her other hand to the back of his head, tugging on his hair. She moaned when he shifted again in his spot, his pelvis rocking into hers.

“I need you,” she pulled away slightly, breathing heavily, “right now.”

He was wide awake now and he took her legs to wrap around his torso. Pushing against the back of the couch, he hauled both her and himself up and she felt an intense throbbing in between her legs at his strength and sudden eagerness. She wanted him now now now.

/~/~/~/~/~/~/

Back in almost the same position they were in before on the couch, Amanda’s legs tangled with his under her sheets and her hair fanned out over his chest and shoulder. His thumb rubbed back and forth on her arm. She was still, her eyes closed but she wasn’t asleep.

“Dominick,” she whispered into the dark bedroom.

“Yeah,” he answered.

She didn’t look at him and he didn’t look down at her. She stared into the darkness, sure of herself. “I want to tell you everything about me,” she said.

He was quiet, his breathing even, his thumb still running along her skin. “What do you mean?”

“I want you to know all of it,” she said honestly, “even the bad things. The scary things.”

“Ok,” he said slowly, “now?”

“No, not now,” she said, “now is perfect and I don’t want to ruin it.”

“You know, whatever you tell me isn’t going to change the way I feel.”

Amanda doubted that but didn’t say so. “I’ve done some things,” she admitted, “things that...that aren’t good. You may see me in a different light.”

When he went quiet again, she felt fear rise in her chest. This was a huge, huge risk. Sonny was an inherently good person and to admit her faults to him was the scariest thing she could think of. Nevermind owing someone dangerous money or shooting her sister’s boyfriend or sleeping with a man to get her sister out of trouble. Telling him everything she had been through was going to be very difficult, she would much rather hide those parts of herself away.

“You can tell me anything, you know that,” he finally said and she felt slightly better when he squeezed her to him. “But also know that I’m not without faults and that I’m willing to bet that whatever you’ve gone through or done that may be bad, you’re not that person anymore. Or you don’t want to be, anyway.”

“I don’t,” she whispered, brushing her lips against his chest. “I want to be how you see me.”

She could almost feel his smile as he took her face in his other hand to look at him. “You already are.”

Amanda’s whole body cried out to her, to tell him she loved him but she bit her tongue once again. He may change his mind about how he felt, no matter what he says now, her dark thoughts filled her mind with the memory of holding a gun to a pregnant woman’s stomach in her desperation. She shuddered and he reached automatically for the comforter to pull over them.

She kept herself from arguing with him that she was nothing like he saw her as and decided she would wait to see how he felt after she told him. She really wanted to hold on to this love a little longer. Maybe everything would turn out alright, she thought with hope. Maybe her completely and wholly trusting in him was his gift from her and his acceptance and absolution were hers. Besides, the love was already there and she didn’t see it going away.

“Get some sleep,” she said firmly, her grip on him tightening.

“You too,” he whispered, his thumb running shapes along her arm now. She felt her eyelids drooping and a fresh wave of hope washed over her that maybe, just maybe she’d be ok, safe with him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have arrived to the M-rated chapter. don't hate me, i may have written smut before but i don't think i've ever posted it so sorry in advance if it disappoints! there will be fluff soon. and angst, if that's your thing. also, i know these two are always either at work or at amanda's place but that's where they usually are anyway.

Amanda sighed as she stared at her phone screen. To send or not to send. Glancing back up at her television screen, she pursed her lips. She looked back toward the girl's room which was empty. Then she looked at the time on her phone. 10:11 PM. The longer she waited, the later it would get.

“Fuck it,” she mumbled and sent the text.

She closed the message app quickly before opening it again. Seeing that her message was read, she held her breath while the dots indicating the person was texting back appeared. Why the hell was she acting so nervous?

All she did was ask Sonny to come over.

But, her thoughts began, the girls are gone for the weekend, there’s nothing on tv, and you kissed almost two weeks ago.

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she allowed herself to calm down.

_ It’s kinda late. The girls asleep? _

She texted back, moving her fingers quickly as if a fast response would make him want to come over even more. Probably showing off your desperation, she rolled her eyes at herself as she sent the text.

_ No, they’re at Liv’s for the night, hanging with Noah. I’m bored. Maybe we can start a new Netflix show or something? And bring food, I’m hungry. _

That was more like her, casual and cool. Indifferent to whether or not he’d do what she wanted.

_ Lol you haven't had dinner yet? _

_ Yeah, what’s your point? _

She pictured him chuckling at home, wondering if he was still wearing his day clothes. She wondered if his sleeves were rolled up as she liked. She bit her lip.

_ Well, in that case, I’m on my way. Pls hold. _

Amanda sat back on her couch, arms crossed as she focused back on the tv. She smiled to herself.

Almost an hour later, there was a knock on her door.

Amanda hopped up from the couch, smoothing her palms down her shorts and running her fingers through her hair.

“Hey, I’m starrrrving,” she said dramatically as she swung the door open.

Sonny lifted two grocery bags with his fingers. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure what to get this late so I got a bunch of snack food.”

“Perfect.” Amanda nodded, noticing he was in sweatpants and his Fordham sweatshirt. She was  _ very  _ pleased to see the sleeves pushed up, showing his forearms. “Come in, won’t you?”

“Thanks.”

“I was talking to the snacks.” She smiled brightly up at him, taking the bags from his hand and when her arm brushed his, she looked up at him to see him smirking at her.

“Ok then, you owe me forty bucks.”

She sighed dramatically, letting him in. He settled down on her couch while she went to the fridge. “Want a beer?”

“Water.”

Not wanting to be the only one drinking, she grabbed two water bottles. She watched from the kitchen as he grabbed the remote and started perusing through Netflix, his legs already propped up, his arm on the back of the couch. Amanda felt a flutter in her stomach. He looked so comfortable here.

She thought back to their kiss almost two weeks ago. 

They had both been slightly tipsy while meeting up with the squad at their usual spot to celebrate Carisi putting a criminal away.

Olivia had left, needing to get home to relieve Lucy and Fin went home to his fiancee, leaving Kat, Carisi, and Rollins. 

Kat grunted with annoyance when she noticed Amanda gathering her things to leave. “You too?”

“Sorry, I gotta get home to my girls.”

Amanda glanced at Sonny and he met her gaze. He shook his nearly empty bottle. “Yeah, hey. I’ll head that way too, just to - you know.”

Kat wasn’t fooled. She smirked. “Ok, you two. I guess I’ll call my girlfriend to meet me here since my coworkers are all old as shit.”

“That’s the spirit,” Sonny joked before getting up and leaving with Amanda, his hand placed discreetly on her lower back.

When they arrived at her place, Sonny waited patiently as she let her sitter go, the kids already sleeping in their room. The two looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, hands at their sides. 

“TV?” Amanda asked.

“Sure,” Sonny replied, sitting. When she offered something to drink, he shook his head no and she sat beside him. Neither reached for the remote, both sitting still as statues. Earlier in the bar, they had a moment. They were all sitting at a small table and underneath, Amanda’s hand accidentally brushed his knee. When she looked up at him, he was already staring at her, eyebrows raised in question. She smiled in apology but he must have taken it as some form of flirting because his hand touched her knee then. Though she didn’t mean it in a flirtatious way, Amanda didn’t pull her leg away. Sonny left his hand there for a while.

Amanda wasn’t exactly sure what he expected when he told her he’d come home with her but she was suddenly anxious in what was usually a very easy situation for them. Now she felt there might be some kind of expectation from him but he never showed it, just continued to sit there in silence. Was he waiting for her to make a move?

“Amanda -” Sonny began but stopped once she leaned over and pressed her lips against his.

Too shocked to move, Sonny sat frozen as she kissed him but once he felt her hand on his cheek, he moved his arms around her and kissed her back. Her lips were gentle and surprisingly shy, he thought. It was a sweet kiss for a first, soft, delicate as if they had all the time in the world to do it.

But she pulled away, her breath mingling with his, her hand still on his cheek. “You were saying something?”

Sonny shook his head a tiny bit, not daring to move too much for fear of this moment coming to an end. He wanted to savor it for as long as he could, remember the details. His eyes drank her in hungrily, tracing the shape of her lips, her nose, and her ocean blue eyes staring back. “I...was just gonna apologize for - well, for keeping my hand on your leg for so long. I thought you might’ve been upset with me.”

She huffed out a little laugh, rubbed her thumb across his cheek, and pulled away. “No,” she said, “are you upset I kissed you?”

“Hell no,” he answered instantly, making her blush and he refrained from asking if they could kiss again. Why did this feel like they were two kids that didn’t know what they were doing?

This is  _ Rollins _ , Carisi thought, she’s your best friend and you guys have never crossed that line until now.

“Good,” she whispered, looking over at him from her usual spot on the couch. He missed her warmth already. “I’m glad. Can you pass the snacks?”

They had not talked about the kiss since. 

This was the first time he had even been over since that night. Both of their schedules kept them busy the last ten days, especially with Amanda trying to spend time with her children and Sonny’s caseload always being full.

However, they both hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss and Sonny was hoping to have the chance for it to happen again tonight but also felt nervous that it might not be what she wanted. She did call him pretty late to come over, though, he reminded himself.

They sat there on the couch for a long while, both lost in their own thoughts when he decided to move his hand to her leg, only he didn’t touch her, just hovered above her knee, still contemplating if this was the right move.

Amanda watched him, greatly amused at his hesitance. She reached her own hand out and covered his, entwining their fingers and placing them on her knee. Feeling like a foolish fifteen-year-old boy, Sonny leaned back into the couch and listened as Amanda rambled on about starting a new show on Netflix. He tried his hardest but he couldn’t focus on the random show she put on, only on her close proximity and her fingers holding his. To make matters worse, he’s pretty sure though not entirely that she moved their hands closer toward her, and now the back of his fingers was touching her inner thigh. He tried to keep his eyes on the screen but kept trailing them up the length of her arm in hopes to get a glance at her face and maybe figure out what she might be thinking.

Her face was cool, calm, and collected. No sign of or acknowledgment that she was aware of what she was doing with their hands. He wouldn’t know, but her heart was beating fast like she had just gone  _ running after a perp _ fast. She knew if she wanted something to happen with him that tonight was probably the best night for it. Whether or not he wanted it was what stopped her.

She felt him squeeze her hand and the side of his thumb grazed her thigh, purposefully. She then had a bit more confidence in his interest. She didn’t stop him, she didn’t even dare move for fear that he would think she didn’t want his little caress. She wanted more. Much, much more.

Usually, she would be up for taking charge of the situation but this was Sonny, her best friend, her children’s godfather. He was an extremely important part of her tiny, tiny world. He looked over at her finally and she recognized the same realization in his eyes that this was a big moment.

Sonny moved his head closer to her on the back of the couch, so close their noses were almost touching. Her breathing hitched at his closeness and she felt the same warmth course through her body as she did when they kissed for the first time. His hand holding hers let go to hold the side of  _ her _ face this time, reminiscent of their first kiss, and she almost smiled at the similarities between their first and what would soon hopefully be their second.

His lips touched hers almost chastely, apprehensively waiting for a response. She responded excitedly, clutching his arm to pull him closer, opening her mouth to touch his soft bottom lip with her tongue. He groaned as her tongue slid against his, moving his hand to her hair. Their lips met again and again, tongues and teeth clashing in their eagerness to taste more of the other. Amanda pulls back slightly for a breath and she smells the familiar cologne he always wears. She tries to remember if she used to hate it when she first met him or if she had grown to love it because she had gotten used to him being a constant in her life. 

“Is this ok?” he asked, voice low and she looked into his blue eyes, never realizing until now how much she appreciated the way he looked at her. She felt arousal flow through her body, desire low in her stomach and in between her legs and she stood up, holding her hand out.

“Come on,” she gestured to her room and he took her hand, this time with no hesitation.

He followed her into her room and shut the door, his back facing the door and she stared up at him, feeling so small suddenly. She tried taking a deep breath to settle the butterflies in her stomach. Having sex was nothing new to her, but she couldn’t remember ever feeling the way she felt now with anyone else.

“Hi,” she breathed. This was her best friend. This was her best friend.

“Hi,” he said back and his dimpled smile almost made her melt to the floor.

Sonny steps forward and takes her face into his hands, kissing her passionately. She made a small noise in the back of her throat in surprise but wrapped her arms around his neck. His thigh stepped in between her legs, rubbing against her and her hands leave from behind his head to the hem of his sweatshirt, her fingers quickly moving to take it off. He helped her, tossing it to her bedroom floor and she grabbed the top of his pants, tugging him along with her as she walked back to the bed.

Amanda sat down on her bed, looking up at him staring at her with so much longing in his eyes. She bit her lip and pulled at his pants again, laying down back against her pillows, him following. He framed her head with his arms as he began kissing her and she ran her hands along his strong shoulders, down his arms, her petite hands settling above his capable ones at her waist. She moved them again, exploring up and down his chest as she kissed him feverishly. One hand reached down to her own t-shirt and he started lifting it up, his hand trailing along her body. She finished taking her shirt off for him and laid back to see him lick his lips when he noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra.

His mouth was everywhere then. He kissed her slowly, then made his way behind her ear, down her neck, and reached her collarbone, his hand cupping underneath her breast and she gasped when he ran his thumb along her nipple teasingly. He pressed his body closer, almost on top of her and she moaned at his obvious hardness against her thigh, arching into him. Pressing open-mouthed kisses down her body, he stopped to close his warm mouth over her breast, circling her nipple with his tongue. His hand began to travel lower on her body, only his fingertips lightly caressed her and she writhed under his too gentle touch, wanting his hands rough and all over her.

His hand sinks below the waistband of her shorts and she is throbbing with anticipation. He lightly runs his fingertips along the outside of her underwear, driving her absolutely insane. She pushes her pelvis into his hand, needing more friction but he doesn’t give it to her.

She growls at his teasing, running her own hand along to his waist and rubbing his erection over his pants, making him groan loudly. With that, his fingers ran along the center of her underwear with more pressure this time, his palm cupping her and she rocked into him impatiently. He trails his tongue along the valley of her breast and captures her other nipple this time, caressing it with his tongue while running his hand above her underwear but he wouldn’t take them off.

Her entire body was pulsing with need now and she pulled his head back from her breast. “Take them off, damn it,” she grumbled.

Sonny just smiled but did as he was told, curling his fingers around the top of her shorts and helping her shimmy out of them, taking the tiny scrap of underwear with it too. Amanda’s hands moved to remove his pants, her mouth almost watering at the sight of him as he slid his boxers down.

He wasted no time bringing his hand back to her center, rubbing his fingers more firmly up and down her slit, feeling how wet she was for him. She put her hand behind his neck and crushed his lips to hers, her body still rocking into him to get him where she wanted. He relented, pressing his finger against her entrance, his thumb barely brushing her clit and she rocked even harder, craving more of his touch with every fiber of her being.

Gripping his solid erection, she moved her hand up and down slowly, making him groan again at her hold on him. He slipped a finger inside of her and she bucked against him, her breathing heavy, her other hand slipping around to his back and digging her short nails into his skin. He pumped his middle finger in and out of her, adding another and she stopped all movement on his cock, her mouth open in pleasure as he rubbed her clit back and forth with his thumb, going slowly and then fast. He kissed her again, deeply, his tongue making the same motions in her mouth. She felt the pressure build up low in her stomach and she chased after that release, continuing to rock against his hand.

When he began to slow to a stop, she protested loudly. “What are you doing -” she began but he cut her off.

“I want to be inside you,” he told her and she felt another wave of wetness pool between her legs. She nodded, moving further down the bed and wrapping her legs around him. He ran the length of his cock along her folds, coating him in her wetness and she lifted her hips off the bed with a gasp, more than ready for him. “Oh,” he said, stopping for a moment as he dug in his pant pocket, brandishing a condom. She lifted her eyebrows but said nothing and watched as he slid it on. 

Sonny positioned his tip at her entrance but stopped to gaze into her eyes. She took a deep breath at what she saw. Her best friend, about to be lover, wanting her so badly, loving her for who she was.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time,” he admitted.

Amanda’s body hummed with need. “Me too,” she whispered.

When he was inside of her, she enveloped her arms around him, pulling him close, pressing a kiss against his ear and then his mouth. She lifted her hips to encourage him to move and they began their back and forth, both moaning into each other’s mouths as they met thrust for thrust. As he started moving faster, she felt her pleasure build again and let go of his mouth, her breathing erratic and shaky, her toes curling when he lifted slightly higher to rub against her clit.

“Fuck,” she said breathlessly, meeting his quick thrust with her own. He moves his lips against the side of her head and down to the crook of her neck, his teeth sinking into her skin and his tongue soothing the spot immediately. She moaned, her fingers clutching his back, which felt damp with their body heat and sweat. “Harder,” she breathed into his ear, his head still buried into her neck.

He pulled all the way out and slammed into her, giving her exactly what she wanted, her upper body rising off the bed in pure pleasure. Her orgasm crept up on her after he began to thrust harder, sinking into her deeper. Her toes curled again, legs stiffening around his hips, mouth open wide as she came. Amanda tried to catch her breath as she pulsed around him and he groaned at her walls tightening, chasing her orgasm with his own after a few more thrusts.

Sonny nearly collapsed on top of her but stopped himself with his palm barely holding him up. She lowered her legs from around him but ran her hands down his sides, squeezing her protest when he started to lift himself to move out of her.

“Wait,” she murmured, her eyes closed, lips curling upward in satisfaction. He watched her, in awe of how beautiful she always was, but especially now, sweaty and sated. He lifted his hand up to her hair and pushed it behind her ear.

“Good?” he asked, trying to completely undermine that that was the best sex he may have ever had.

“That was  _ so fucking good, _ ” she commented and opened her eyes to him, her smile wide and bright. His fingertips traced the curve of her cheek. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“You’re really beautiful,” he found himself saying and wanted to facepalm at how moronic and naive he sounded.

But she smiled warmly and leaned in to kiss him. When she pulled away, she pressed her forehead against his. “You can get off now, I gotta pee.”

He removed himself from her and watched as she got up and made her way to the bathroom, completely naked and obviously confident about it. He was confident about how much he loved her body, too. After giving birth to two children, she was more than in great shape but he knew she worked her ass off to do so and it definitely showed. After she came back and hopped into bed, he got up to dispose of the condom in her bathroom and quickly washed his hands, hoping she wasn’t ready to kick him out but also knowing it was a very real possibility with the girls coming home tomorrow.

When he walked back into her room though, she was lying comfortably in bed, her sheets wrapped around her tight and she smiled at him. He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of her so happy to be in his presence.

“Ya comin’?” she asked, gesturing to the spot next to her and he felt his mouth spread into a grin.

“I thought I did,” he joked lamely and she rolled her eyes as he joined her in bed. Her eyes followed him as he made himself comfortable, watching the muscles in his arms and back and she breathed through her nose. 

“Why you starin’ at me?” he asked, running a hand over his face, thinking he had something there. Her eyes continued to roam over him, enjoying his modest discomfort, as she, being a woman, dealt with being ogled at all the time. His hair was disheveled totally from when she pulled at it while he was sucking on her skin and…

“Just enjoying the view,” she answered, not needing to feel the pang of desire again so soon. Sonny scooted closer to her and bit his lip. “What is it?”

He made a face at her like he was guilty. “I’m a cuddler.”

She burst into laughter at his cuteness but he felt that she was laughing at him. It probably wasn’t often that she heard a man tell her that, if ever. “Really?” she laughed again, “you mean you’re not the type to immediately light a cigar in bed after a job well done?”

“Well done?” he scrunched his nose up and she didn’t complain when he pulled her close. She loved being in his arms, it felt natural. “What am I, steak?”

She pressed her nose against his chest, her head under his chin. “I think I would be steak in this scenario.”

“This is easily the weirdest conversation we’ve ever had,” he commented. He ran his hand down her hair softly and rested it on her lower back, feeling soothed by the way she rubbed her thumb up and down his arm.

She quieted then, just feeling his chest rise and fall under her cheek. She had been so afraid that everything was going to change if they ever were together like this but deep down she thought with hope, it would get better. So much better.

“I like having you here,” she squeezed him happily.

“I like being here,” he replied, his chin in her hair. “I’m glad you booty called me.”

Amanda pulled away from him, aghast at his statement. “I did  _ not _ !”

He smiled at her reaction, dimples on full display. “Yes, you did! You texted me to come over after 9:30 on a Saturday night for absolutely no reason? What was I supposed to think?”

“I just wanted you to come over to hang out and watch Netflix!”

“I think the newer term for booty call is actually ‘Netflix and chill’, so.”

“Oh my God,” she fake groaned, putting her head in her hands, “you must think I’m -”

“Absolutely not,” he defended her ardently before she could bring herself down, “I definitely came here with every intention -”

“Dominick, I’m kidding,” she interrupted, peeking through her fingers to grin at him. She put her hand on his arm again and he furrowed his brows while putting his arms back around her. “I wanted to jump your bones.” She paused thoughtfully. “Do the kids still say that?”

Sonny shook his head, “Nah.”

“Fine. I wanted your ass, ok.”

Sonny laughed, “it is a nice ass.”

Amanda nodded sincerely, her hand going to his bottom and squeezing playfully. “That it is, Sonny boy.”

“Don’t ever call me that in bed. Or at all, actually.”

“You got it, sweet cheeks.” She teased.

“Manda, quit.” He smirked as he felt her hand release his ass cheek and move back up to his arm. He knew she hated that nickname. She rolled her eyes at his amusement but kissed his chest, running her tongue along his skin.

“Sonny,” she murmured against him and he had his eyes closed at the feel of her tongue.

“Hmm?”

“When can we ‘chill’ again?”

He opened one eye and lifted his arm from behind her back to look at the imaginary watch on his wrist. “I’ve got time now.”

Grabbing his head, she pulled him toward her to meet his lips with her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. sometimes you can tell i write scripts and dialogue more than fiction but that last bit was rough, yikes. hopefully it wasn't that bad.


End file.
